


(time please be slow) all the voices in my mind (time please be kind)

by imaginedecember



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-06 18:33:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1868061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginedecember/pseuds/imaginedecember
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan was unsure where he fit. He wanted to but there were so many reasons as to why he couldn't say anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(time please be slow) all the voices in my mind (time please be kind)

**Author's Note:**

> Reason for rating: Some language can be considered sexual. Just at the end, though. Better safe then sorry. And I apologize if any language is offensive or triggering in any way. 
> 
> Title: The title - the one not in parenthesis - are lyrics to the song Bloodstream by Ed Sheeran. 
> 
> Note: This is in response to a prompt off tumblr. The prompt was from an anon and it simply asked for ah ot6 with Ryan-centric so I made this.

There were five Skype windows open on his computer screen while his television flashed images of Halo at him. Ryan was unsure of this at first but, really, how could he ever deny the AH crew? 

Geoff had told him to go on Skype with them so they could play some video games. It’d give all of them a much needed break from the stress of the move to the different office and the over pour of editing. It worked. 

And then it didn’t. 

Because no matter how many times Ryan repeated to himself that he fit perfectly within their group dynamic, he couldn’t help but feel out of place. And it made sense. Had he ever talked to any of the AH crew directly? Besides Geoff and Jack, he hadn’t. And there was a reason for that. The obvious being that he was with the animation team in the back, editing and being his relatively quiet self. Just chilling, as Ray would say. 

The second, less obvious reason was that the AH crew was far too attractive and they were far too in love with each other already (or, well, as much as he could pick up just from the audio of the videos that Geoff had them edit and, god, that was enough to tell). He didn’t know if the group had told anyone. Probably Lindsay and Griffon for sure. And their other friends. But as for everyone else in the company? Well, he couldn’t be too sure. 

So, back to being silent. 

“Ryan! That was unfair!” a high pitch whine broke him from his thoughts. He immediately chuckled, not even glancing at the Skype window to know that Gavin was pouting at him. 

“Awe, is Gavvy upset?” Michael teased. Ryan watched from a distance in-game as Michael’s character ran up behind Gavin’s and shot him in the head a few times. “Take that, Gavin!” he exclaimed as he jumped around the younger’s dead body. 

“Everyone’s mean. Ray, love me?” Gavin tried, turning to the youngest member of their group for comfort. Ray rolled his eyes, trudging after Gavin’s character and remaining behind him.

“Yeah, Vav, ‘course,” Ray mumbled. 

“Oh, what was that?!” Jack nearly screamed as his character thrashed about from a grenade kill. Geoff’s cackling outweighed his yell. “I’m so bad.”

“So bad that you’re good,” Ryan commented. Tilting his head to the side, he added, “You’re the best at being the worst.”

“And I’m just the best,” Ray quipped immediately after. Michael groaned, almost wishing that he was there in Ray’s apartment so he could shove him and his ego into the wall. It was perfect timing too because the ‘game over’ screen flashed and everyone simultaneously groaned at who had won. Like always. But right behind him was Ryan. 

“Ryan, I didn’t know you were good at Halo,” Jack spoke up. 

“Eh, it’s all in the fingers,” Ryan said, demonstrating by clicking the buttons on his controller. 

“Okay, gross, no need for that. It’s late,” Geoff piped up. Ryan peered at his Skype window, watching as the eldest of their strange six person group (and five person relationship plus a pining Ryan) rubbed his face with his hands and then ran those same tattooed fingers through his hair. Ryan was always curious about what tattoos he had. 

“Too much for ya old man?” Michael teased. 

“I’m now 60 ‘cause of you idiots,” Geoff bemoaned. 

“60’s the new sexy, Geoff, come on.” Ray added a wink for good measure. And this was where Ryan felt extremely out of place. 

He was weird, too strange really to be considered normal, and he was flirty. But with the AH crew, there was that barrier, that line. Whenever he made any comment towards them, he always worried if he appeared to be crossing that line between ‘extremely playful, teasing friend’ to ‘I wanna be a part of whatever you five have going on’. He didn’t want the others to see straight through him. He wanted them to carry on being oblivious. It’d be better for them all. 

Tuning back into the conversation, he noted with a fond smile on his face that Michael, Gavin and Ray were caught up in a conversation that evolved things seen not as important to the gents. Jack and Geoff were speaking quietly to each other, over the little things, some adult things too. That’s when Ryan heard it - the first ever spoken hint that there was definitely a five-way relationship going on between the AH crew (minus him of course).

“We gotta think about living arrangements,” Jack murmured. Geoff nodded as he rested his chin on his folded hands. His eyes looked far too sleepy, more so than usual. He blinked too slowly, as if it weighed down his very body to do anything. 

“I know. Think two story would be enough?” Geoff asked. His voice was even quieter then Jack’s, almost like he was afraid that the lads would overhear. It could be a surprise for them or just something that none of the lads had ever thought about (or wanted to think about yet). 

“Possibly. We need help looking.”

And that’s when Geoff shifted his gaze to Ryan who was trying to look busy switching to a different game on his console. But he couldn’t deny the weight of Geoff’s stare no matter how much he wanted to appear oblivious. 

“Yo?” Ryan questioned, turning his head towards his computer with one eyebrow raised inquisitively. Ray, Michael and Gavin were still far too into their current conversation and Jack and Geoff were staring at him with knowing glances. When he was just met with more silence, Ryan decided to out what he knew. It was only fair that he show his support (and his want to be in it too - but no one could know that…ever). “I’m fine if all of you are together. Kinda knew from the start.” He shrugged, trying to show nonchalance to the issue. As if he wasn’t falling hard for all of them with each passing second. 

Jack was the first of team OG to smile softly, a kind of gentle smile that spoke of how much he appreciated Ryan’s support. Ryan wondered if it was the same kind that he gave the lads and Geoff behind closed doors. 

Geoff was still staring at him, this time with his eyes narrowed. Testing. Just making sure. When he found no deceit in Ryan’s eyes, he nodded to himself and smiled happily. 

“Wanna help us look for a house tomorrow? We can take the afternoon off,” Geoff suggested.

“That sounds good,” Ryan agreed. He almost wanted to question it because tomorrow was Thursday. A random day. Not a Friday where they could easily blow it off and it wouldn’t be as suspicious. But he trusted Geoff knew what he was doing.

“Okay, we’ll take my car and go looking,” Geoff finalized. Then, turning to the still arguing lads, he cleared his throat. “Hey, idiots, stop arguing. It’s late and it’s time to go bed. You have work in the morning.”

“But Geoff.”

“Geoff, just another game.”

“Geoff, we’re sorry.”

Sighing heavily, Geoff glanced between Ryan and Jack, silently asking for help. Ryan was the first to step in, surprisingly enough. 

“Lads, you’re gonna be pissed when you wake up tomorrow all cranky. We have a video to record early tomorrow and we don’t want to have to re-start because you three couldn’t follow a simple command,” Ryan tried. His voice was stern and level, a tone that the lads were not exactly used to coming from him. 

Grumbling, Michael relented first and Ray followed suite. They each said goodnight, switching off their Skype and returning to their beds like scolded children. Gavin was harder, more antsy as he swung around in his chair. 

“Don’t make me come to your bedroom and force you to sleep,” Geoff piped in. Squeaking, Gavin saluted him, grinning teasingly as he knew that Geoff hated that before saying goodbye and disappearing off Skype. “I swear if I hear Halo from his room,” Geoff murmured quietly to himself. Shaking his head, Jack smiled at him reassuringly. 

“Just smack him around a bit. It’ll work,” Ryan commented. Laughing tiredly, Geoff agreed with that idea. 

“And thanks for setting them straight. They’re a lot to handle sometimes. Like children,” Geoff said earnestly. 

“No problem.” Shrugging, Ryan watched as Jack bid goodbye and then Geoff. He was the last to sign off, too busy staring at blank Skype windows and wondering when his life had sucked so bad. Shaking his head, he closed each window and shut down his computer. Returning to his console, he finally chose a game that would suffice and settled in for a long night. 

***

The house hunting had gone well and they had managed to knock down the list of houses that they had circled to three. Some were crossed right off the bat, the feeling of the house not quite right and some of the things about them just weren’t enough to handle six men. 

The three they managed to narrow it down to were really far too perfect for Ryan to even handle. He could imagine each of the five boys living in any of the three happily and in love. And the way that Geoff was worried about making this final step told Ryan how much this relationship meant to the older gent and to the others as well. 

After house hunting, they had stopped to grab ice cream. 

“You bribed them with sweets?” Ryan questioned. He remembered the time Gavin was given a donut and he felt like he was reliving a nightmare. Geoff looked sheepish as he counted out the right amount of money and handed it to Jack so he could order for everyone. Resting his arms on the table closest to the door, Geoff shrugged. 

“They’re my boys, aren’t they?” It wasn’t meant to sound mean, that they were his and that he could do whatever he wanted for them. But it was enough for Ryan to want to back off and run away. How could he ever think that he could waltz into their lives and ask to be a part of their group? They were happy enough and they didn’t deserve the pain of having to reject him. 

So, he leaned back into the chair and changed the topic to a different one, one that didn’t remind him of how weird it was that he had just been house hunting with them and now getting ice cream. It was easy, relaxing like this with Geoff. 

Sometimes when Geoff told him what to edit and where and when he could grab their separate files of footage, he would hang back and talk with Ryan. It was simple. Almost perfect. But not enough. He felt selfish wishing for more. 

“Ryan, can you hold Michael’s and Ray’s?” Jack’s voice came through. He had come at just the right time. There was a lull in the conversation and Ryan almost felt like his thoughts were sucking him back down a dark path, one that was very well worn whenever night fell. 

“Yeah, ‘course.” Ryan took the two bowls of ice cream, one filled with vanilla and the other chocolate with just a few swirls of caramel. 

It was weird how right away he knew vanilla was the kind that Ray liked. He had gotten Ray ice cream one time when his throat was killing him and he was coming back from lunch and goddamn it Ray, of course he would go out of his way to help him and if he had driven the longer route back in order to pick up cold medicine too then that was just him looking out for the younger. Just in case. 

Chocolate with just a hint of caramel was Michael. Sweet enough but not as sweet as whatever concoction was Gavin’s. The caramel leveled out the taste of the chocolate, it’s salty and sweet mixture yummy and addicting to the lad. That was what Michael was; an addicting mixture of anger and sweetness. He could tease and he could yell, sometimes even overpowering Gavin’s own exclamations and high-pitched noises, but underneath all that, he was sweet. He loved just as loud as he raged. 

Ryan remembered when Michael had crawled on to his lap after a rage quit and when none of his boys were around for him to latch on to and steal their positive, calming energy. He didn’t knock over his shit or tease him like he usually did. He simply leaned back and commented on how nice Ryan was for doing this and that he was crazy as fuck but he really wasn’t all that terrifying. And in that moment, Michael was calm like he had melted. 

Ryan grabbed each bowl from Jack’s hands, holding them tightly so none of it would spill. Geoff took the other two, grimacing when he realized that Gavin’s concoction had another added layer of sweetness. Of course Gavin would use his niceness to his advantage. He would kill him when they got back. 

Ryan didn’t have time to wonder what was in Gavin’s and what Geoff and Jack’s were because they were walking towards the car and he had to focus on not tripping and ruining everything. Slipping into the back seat, he set the two cups of ice cream next to him and grabbed the ones that Geoff and Jack were holding so Geoff could focus on driving and Jack could relax. 

“Thanks Ryan,” Jack spoke. And in that smile, Ryan knew Jack was thanking him for things that Ryan wasn’t even sure of. So, he just hummed and mumbled a ‘you’re welcome’ underneath his breath.

The car ride back was silent, except for the occasional off hand comment and the radio joining in as background noise. Sooner then Ryan anticipated, Geoff was using the card to get into the parking lot and he was parking the car. The lads were there before Ryan could even have a chance to open the back door. 

“Ice cream, ice cream,” Gavin chanted as he bounced on his heels. Michael opened the back door for Ryan, grabbing his and Gavin’s. Handing Gavin his, he laughed as Gavin almost smushed his face into the ice cream in excitement. 

Michael stabbed his arm with the spoon in his bowl, warning him to slow it the fuck down before he choked. Gavin beamed at him in barely contained glee, his teeth covered in bits of brownie and sprinkles. Rubbing his fist into the top of his head, Michael cackled when Gavin squealed and then fell silent, his attention switched back to his ice cream. 

Ray was standing behind them, almost shyly refusing to grab his from the back seat. He patiently waited for Ryan to get of the car and hand him his own cup of deliciousness. When Ryan was standing in front of him, he allowed himself to wrap his hands around the cup and take it from the gent. 

“Thanks, Ry,” Ray spoke, flashing him a smile before rushing inside after Gavin and Michael. Ryan stood there for a few moments, shaking off those dreaded goddamn feelings of his, before reaching for Geoff and Jack’s. 

“Here,” he spoke as he handed them off before grabbing his own. Shutting the back door with his hip, he dug his spoon into his bowl and happily took a bite. Geoff and Jack did the same before walking calmly into the building. When they entered their work space, they were afraid that Gavin would have somehow spilled his and it’d be everywhere. The damn kid loved being evil. But the lads were instead sitting in a circle in front of the beloved couch, eating and joking around. Geoff smiled proudly at them as he joined them on the floor. Ryan hesitated but the need to soak up everything that was the five of them, he sat down next to them and enjoyed himself. The repercussions of everything could be dealt with later.

 

***

The repercussions were dealt with as soon as he entered his house at seven at night. Usually, everyone would have gone home much earlier then that but their high spirits prompted them to play another game that could be shoved in the back catalog for later. 

But Ryan’s high spirits melted as soon as his thoughts were heard. 

Ryan was almost tempted to pick up some whiskey on the way home. 

It’d burn going down his throat. 

But wasn’t that what he wanted?

No, he wanted them. All of them. All five. Or he’d take nothing. No one else but them. No, no one else could ever matter as much. 

Ryan was almost tempted to destroy his apartment. 

He felt like Michael after a rage quit. 

But he didn’t have anyone to hold afterwards. 

He didn’t have anyone to understand. 

That he was anger. 

He was fire. 

But, really, he was just a flicker. 

And, then, he was gone. 

He was smart, see, but only in the little, trivial things like computers and sometimes other things. 

Mostly just luck.

He wasn’t as smart as Geoff or god, like Gavin with that goddamn camera of his. 

Ryan wondered what it’d feel like to have that brain trained on his, soaking everything about him in like he was back in second grade, happily reading anything he could get his hands on. 

Like the worst of addictions. 

But the best of highs.

Ryan wondered what it’d feel like to have those eyes trained on him, drinking everything in and tensing when he noticed that something wasn’t right, something was a little off. 

There wasn’t enough light to shed on the darkness. 

Where were the monsters?

Where was the explosion waiting to occur?

He felt like Ray when all he had was the silent nights at his apartment and the sound of video games to lull him to a somewhat decent sleep. 

Keep pressing. 

Use your memory. 

Maybe that’ll be enough to grind down this achievement. 

Maybe it’ll be worth the frustration at the end.

He wondered what they’d think of him, of these insomniac nights and even shittier days. 

He wondered if they could still see even through his mask. 

Masks. 

He was always obsessed with them. 

They allowed him to be the person he always wanted to be. 

Would they like him, though, without the mask? Through all the bad and the good? 

He wished he had Jack’s logic. Maybe even a hug. God, he could just imagine how warm and safe it’d feel. 

He was crumbling. 

And whiskey sounded better and better with each passing moment.

So, he stood from the couch, grabbed his car keys and opened the driver side door to his car. He threw himself inside, uncaring of the slam that resounded through the mostly silent neighborhood when he shut the driver side door. Starting the car, he listened to it purr. Maybe it’d ground him for a bit. Just a different sound that wasn’t the roaring chaos of his thoughts. 

He could almost feel his heart beat. 

But he didn’t really have much of one anymore. 

Switching the gear, he reversed out the driveway and sped down the side streets and winding back roads to the liquor store on the corner. He always passed by this little section, uncaring to what it held inside. Not much a drinker. But sometimes, it seemed like the best option. And the lines were beginning to blur. 

Fading, fading. 

God, what was he doing?

He quickly parked in an abandoned parking lot not far from the store. Slamming his fists into the steering wheel, he wondered what had happened to him. 

When exactly did his mask begin to fall to reveal the demon underneath?

He felt like he was a teenager all over again. Anxiety high and thoughts full to the brim with hatred all from the mouth of his parents and peers, he would find abandoned areas and find peace in their solace. And when it became too quiet, he fled back home. He crawled through the basement window and plopped on to his bed. Deep breaths. One. Two. Then, everything was good. For the moment.

He wondered if out in some other universe, he had known the boys when he was teenager. He wondered if he’d better or worse. 

Oh, who was he kidding anymore? 

He was an adult now. Not the teenager who couldn’t stand up to anyone. It was time to be brave for once. Brave and foolish. But brave nonetheless. 

He was sick of feeling like he couldn’t do anything. Because he could. He’d go to Geoff’s house and he would tell them. Then it’d be up to them to all decide. It’d be off his shoulders and he could finally move on from at least one thing in his life. 

Switching the car into reverse, he drove out of the parking lot and back on to the streets. He pushed away his thoughts and focused on rational things, like the directions to Geoff’s house. It calmed him for a few seconds, just enough to distract him. 

In just a few minutes, his car was idling in front of Geoff’s house. It was Thursday so it was kind of perfect that he decided to do this now. It at least wouldn’t ruin their weekend. Work was a different story but Ryan didn’t want to dwell on that right now. 

Turning off his car, he tucked his keys into his jean pocket and walked towards the front porch. He counted steps. One, two. Up to ten. And then there was the door. He almost began counting the ridges there, the knots that were dug in deep. But the door swung open before he could categorize them and wonder about their origins. 

“Ryan?”

Jack stood before him with a quizzical look. At the sound of his name, he heard footsteps rushing towards Jack. 

“Ryan!” Gavin’s voice exclaimed. Ryan smiled softly as he watched Gavin clamber around Jack to reach him but Jack pressed a single hand against his stomach, keeping him back. Jack didn’t need a goddamn instruction book to understand that a disheveled Ryan who looked like he may or may not have found a nice hole to throw himself into didn’t need an overexcited British boy latching on to him. “But Jack,” Gavin whined, pouting at Jack. His quivering, gorgeous eyes were usually enough to sway any of his boys into siding with him but Jack was persistent. 

“Go back to Ray and Michael in the living room. And go get Geoff,” Jack instructed. He made eye contact with Gavin, somehow showing him with a single glance that this was important. And even though Gavin was a bit ticked for not being included, he still nodded and ran off towards the direction of the living room. At the mention of the others, Ryan could now hear the distinct tell of the lads playing Halo, if the sounds of an angry Michael were anything to go by.

Jack hesitated slightly, still peering at Ryan like he was unknown specimen before opening the door wider. 

“No, I don’t…I’ll stay out here,” Ryan managed to say, shaking his head. He didn’t feel like he belonged in Geoff’s house, especially when the others were there. God, he never was smart when it came to these types of things. He just had to pick the night when everyone was there to see how foolish he was. 

Jack almost spoke up but then Geoff was coming towards him. Geoff’s sleepy eyes were trained on Ryan the moment he registered his form almost pacing in his doorway. His arms were crossed across his chest but not to protect himself but to protect the others. Love was a fragile matter. And, really, how could have Geoff not known? He wasn’t as oblivious as his boys. 

Ryan hung his head as soon as Geoff stepped towards him. Nudging Jack a bit from the door, he stepped on to the front porch with Ryan, shutting the door softly behind him. 

“Ryan,” Geoff spoke lowly, softly. Even though he knew that Jack could hear, he wanted to give Ryan some semblance of privacy. 

“I’m sorry. I did a terrible thing by doing this to you and all of your boyfriends. It’s not fair to them. At all,” Ryan started before Geoff could even begin. He had to get his own words out. He had to let those thoughts tumble out. No filter. No going back. 

Frowning, Geoff grabbed Ryan’s shirt sleeve and tugged him down the porch. “We’re gonna take a walk,” was the only thing he said as they took a right and walked down the dimly lit streets. It was like Ryan was back in the ice cream parlor, Geoff’s demeanor relaxing him despite the tension that was worming its way between them.

Ryan decided that it was time to talk. Only he could start this conversation. 

“Back at the old office, I didn’t really talk to anyone really besides Lindsay and the animation team. I just worked on the editing projects you gave me and then went at home at night. But then you pulled me into the projects that I was editing. And I saw firsthand the dynamic between everyone. I heard it while editing but, god, it doesn’t compare when you see it like that. You’re a family. It’s amazing considering that Ray’s from New York, Michael’s from New Jersey, you’re from Alabama and Gavin’s from Britain. Who would have known that you would come together like this and that it’d go well? You gambled and it worked perfectly. I certainly don’t have that foresight.” Ryan inhaled deeply as his sentence crumbled before him. His eyes were blurring and his hands were clenched into fists. 

They were now stopped in the middle of the street, facing each other. Geoff’s hands were hovering over Ryan’s own, torn between wanting to give into that damn protective instinct of his and giving the guy space. He chose the latter, knowing that space was probably best. When Michael was down like this, he built walls and Geoff noted that Ryan was somewhat the same way. He just had to be patient. Let the walls make their own cracks. 

Stepping back a bit, he watched Ryan for any signs of hyperventilation and when he saw none, he quietly encouraged him with a nod. Ryan wasn’t exactly looking at him but out of the corner of his eye, he saw the movement and forced himself to go on. It’d only be fair to.

Biting his bottom lip, he continued, “But then…then I realized that it went beyond that. And then things started to shift. Everyone was become closer. I never thought it was possible. I thought you were gonna say something before we got ready to move. Maybe you would think that it’d be good for this new start at the next office, to make sure that I wasn’t going to ruin it by being an asshole over it. But you never did. I don’t understand why but maybe you already knew I accepted it. Then, I had to go and fuck things up by realizing that I not only accepted it but wanted to be a part of it.”

And that was all Ryan could say about it. 

Geoff chose this moment to grab his hand, covering both of them with his own. When he felt them tremble in his grasp, he almost dropped them but he kept trudging on until they were inches a part.

“I didn’t say anything about us because I knew you weren’t an asshole and that you didn’t show any signs of being uncomfortable,” Geoff started. The next part was harder, though. “And you’re right, Ryan, I have the foresight to know when things are gonna work and when things aren’t. Life’s too short to give a shit about people who aren’t gonna mesh well and who are just gonna make your life a living hell. It was a rocky as hell start to get everyone used to each other but I knew it would happen eventually. That includes you.”

Ryan’s brain had fizzled to nothing and his heart had slowed down to the point of worry. He didn’t know what Geoff meant because, yes, he was a part of the AH crew as much as the others but he wasn’t included. Not in the way that everyone else was with one another. Not the way he wanted to. 

“What?” It was the only thing that Ryan managed to say. 

“God, you’re just as oblivious as Gavin,” Geoff grumbled. He took his hands away, deciding then that he would have to do this the hard way. Grasping Ryan’s chin, he forced the younger to look at him. When their eyes met, Geoff’s stare hardened. “You were the last piece, Ryan. If I didn’t give a shit about you like I do with the rest of ‘em, then you wouldn’t be here. I had the foresight to know that you’d fit perfectly with us. And once you got out of your shell and started showing us exactly who you were, all of the boys came up to me, ranting about you.”

And right then and there, Ryan knew how stupid he really was because the answer to his long term problem was in front of him this whole time. 

Jack was the first of the four boys to bring it up. 

“It was just an offhand comment but I knew he wanted to keep you around us permanently. He said ‘it’d be good for the lads, for us’. And that look he gave me. Well, I was just glad that he understood my intentions and that I felt the same as him on this matter.”

Then, strangely enough, it was Ray. 

“It was when we were having a simple date night together. It had been a long week so we were both too tired to do much so we just watched movies in the living room. He said ‘I wonder if Ryan would like watching movies too’. He immediately apologized, unsure if he was overstepping some sort of boundary mentioning you. Then he was rambling, exclaiming how sorry he was that he found you a little too interesting to be considered platonic. I laughed at him and he hit me but he knew that was me agreeing with him. I told him that Jack felt the same and that now it was just Gavin and Michael who had to figure it out on their own. I knew it’d be a slow process, just like how long it took for us all to get together. But I promised Ray that in due time, you’d be with us too.”

Next came Gavin. 

“He loved how playful you were being towards him and when he had spent hours arguing with you on a topic, he couldn’t help but love that he could do that with you. No one else really wanted to follow up on his crazy thoughts. But you did. That was enough for him, really. And he knew then that you fit. That’s what he said, too. Just randomly one morning, he threw his arms around me and exclaimed ‘he fits!’. I thought he was talking about dick at first but he continued on saying, ‘make Ryan join’. I said I couldn’t make you do shit but that in due time, it’d work.”

And, lastly, there was Michael. 

“I wasn’t surprised that Michael came last but I was surprised how it came about. Now, you know how Michael is after a rage quit but he had done it late at night so none of us were around for him to vent on so he was really happy that he had found you in the annex that night. You didn’t say anything at all when he clambered on to your lap and asked what you were doing. You didn’t push him off, call him weak or anything. It instilled trust in him. And that was enough for him.” 

But, really, it was Geoff who had known from the beginning. 

“Are you stupidly oblivious now?” Geoff questioned. 

Shaking his head, he repeated every word that the older male had said before smiling. Soft. Bright. It made the dark not so threatening. It made the mask he wore slip away. And Geoff smiled with him, watching those walls crumble. He had noticed that Ryan had gotten distant with him and his boys since the move. He knew that everything would come to this moment of realization. He was just content with the fact that everyone could be happy now. Sometimes he loved being right.

“Let’s head back to the house. The boys are gonna be ecstatic when they hear this,” Geoff suggested. Nodding, Ryan followed alongside him and for once, gave into the urge to grab his hand. Their hands smushed together, skin feeling electric as they first met. 

Geoff’s were warm from holding his jaw and Ryan’s was cold from the night air. But together, they were hotter then the sun and both were content with that. Interlacing their fingers together, Geoff watched as they slotted together perfectly. His fingers were slimmer then Ryan’s and he was happy to find that the younger’s thumb was idly tracing the tattoos that littered his knuckles. He didn’t understand how he managed months without this. 

It didn’t take long for them to reach the house again. Their hands broke apart as Geoff pushed the front door open. He wasn’t really surprised to find the lads camped out in the foyer with a disappointed Jack standing behind them. 

“Geoff?” all the lads asked at the same time. Their eyes were hopeful despite knowing that it could have gone wrong. But like Geoff, maybe they just had the foresight to just know. 

All Geoff did was nod and smile but that was enough of an invitation. Yelling, Gavin jumped up and before Ryan had the chance to even think about stopping him or catching him, he was wrapping his arms around his neck and his legs around his waist. Stunned for a moment, Ryan regained his thought process and moved his hands to the younger’s legs, holding him up easily. He felt another body press into his back and another against his side. 

“Lad pile!” Ray exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around Ryan’s waist. Michael huffed, clearly displeased with the fact that he wasn’t holding Ryan but nuzzling into the perfect spot between his shoulder and neck was enough for him. He’d claim Ryan later.

Chuckling, Geoff leaned into Jack and smiled widely when Jack threw his arms around him and pulled him into a well deserved hug. Kissing the top of Geoff’s head, he murmured how perfect everything was now that Ryan was finally with him. The last puzzle piece. 

“Unfair, Gavin! I wanted to kiss him first,” Michael whined as he managed to slap Gavin across the head. But that didn’t deter the Brit as he kissed Ryan for all he was worth. Ray was now joining in with a pouting Michael, both of them feeling left out until Ryan let Gavin slip gingerly from his grasp. Turning to them, Ryan grabbed Michael first and pushed him against the wall. 

“Wow, I feel left out,” Ray commented.

“Awe, X-Ray,” Gavin spoke. Pinching Ray’s cheeks despite his protests, he peppered his face with sloppy, open-mouth kisses. 

“Gross, gross. Get away!” Ray tried to push the Brit off of him but the kid could be a goddamn leech when he wanted to. 

“Now, kids,” Ryan chided as he let go of a dazed Michael (managing to sit in his lap after a rage quit never really compared to how damn well he kissed). Pulling Gavin by the back of his t-shirt, he scolded him with a single look before pressing his lips to Rays. And, yeah, it was worth the wait. 

“Now, I really do feel old,” Geoff grumbled. Laughing, Jack kissed him sweetly and Geoff melted underneath his touch before Gavin was grabbing him. 

“Thank you, Geoff,” Gavin spoke quietly as he latched his fingers into the older male’s t-shirt. He was smiling that blinding smile of his, one that Geoff would kill anyone for ruining. 

“Shut it, kid,” he said. Ruffling his hair up, he laughed as the younger male whined at him to stop. Soon, Michael was grabbing him, wrestling him to the ground and their squeals and high pitched laughter filled the air. Pulling back from Ray, Ryan couldn’t help but to giggle along with them. It felt like home, hearing everyone laughing and seeing them smile like he had never seen before. 

Now, why did he ever dare to think that he could live without this, without them? 

The moment he took in the way they laughed (all of them together like some strange symphony that sounded much too right next to their heartbeats and alongside their blinding, adorable as all hell smiles), the way they spoke (damn those accents), the way they loved (with such ferocity that it left him blindsided), he knew that they’d be stuck in his bloodstream for a long time, even in the afterlife or whatever was beyond death. 

He’d never be able to forget them. 

Time please be kind. 

Time please be slow. 

Because he was never letting them go.


End file.
